Online dating it weird, and like many things the best way to handle it sometimes is with a script. For a man, online dating is a game of numbers, much like it is in life. Woman rarely make the first move so men have to. You can respond to many postings from women and you will get the same response rate, on average, that every other marketing campaign gets - 1%. Yes guys that means if you respond to 100 women on online dating you may get 10 women who respond to your message. But worse yet, your chances for a correspondence that will lead to meeting face to face is also about 1%. So respond to 100 women, you might meet one.
So respond to 1000 women, 100 will respond, you'll date 10 and maybe 1 on a second date. Liking online dating yet? Respond to 10000 women, 1000 will respond, 100 dates (over time), about 10 on second dates and you may get into 1 or 2 relationships. Anybody ever hear a guy saying that it's all about the numbers?
So ladies that's one reason why men don't read your profiles thoroughly - quite simply because it's a total waste of time reading 10000 profiles, that all pretty much say the same things, when you're only gonna be meeting a handful of women. No instead you develop a system. Here's mine...
Let me stress that as soon as a woman breaks out of the cycle or the script I immediately return to a very focused and personal connection with the person. Liken this to going fishing. You sit on the bank and cast your rod. You watch the bobber bop and only then do you give personal attention to your pole. You get nothing, re-bait, cast your line. This time a little less thinking a bite will come soon. After a while you learn to ignore the false signals but give your undivided attention to those signals you should pay attention to. It's really no different here.
So my first message out to women is canned. I have a 3 step program. It's not designed to fool or trick women, or to treat them badly. It's designed to limit the amount of hopes that get high when I respond to a new woman. It's designed to lesson my hurt and to cut my losses early when I can recognize that this will not work out or there just isn't interest here. It's also designed to make it so I don't bother the lady anymore with my requests.
The first message is:
Really liked your profile and pics. I like to keep it short here and allow the woman to check me out and respond if she's interested. I also ask if you would be so kind as to also let me know if you are not. You'd be surprised how many fail to...
The design of this message is to politely express my interest in them, to have them check me out and to determine whether or not there is any interest on their side. I ask specifically to let me know if they are not interested because if they are not I don't want to waste my time or their time on this. However here are some of the responses that I get to my first message:
From RockerHeart on OKCupid:
You wrote me loser, not the other way around. How's that for a reply, you creep!
From ocdesign66 on OKCupid:
Well, that certainly sets u to the top of rudeness
From akaSabrinaInsecure and needy people need validation. You messaged me. If I was interested in you, I would have messaged you. Words do not need to be written as actions speak louder than words. Nothing to do with being polite or rude just as I do not choose to engage in conversation with strangers on the train. Now that you have a reply, I hope you feel better.
However, "I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine." Bruce Lee
A reply won't be necessary as you'll be blocked and I won't see it.
Good luck on your approach.
From italy123456Guess youre alone cause your an ugly asshole who can't take a polite rejection
From MixalusaSorry, but I must have missed that part of the message. Though I think you might be a tad rude jumping to conclusions that people don't have other things going on in life. But to comply with your request, I am not interested, especially after you felt the need to call me out. Anyway...good luck.
To which I responded:
Really? So a man politely expresses interest in you and also politely asks you to indicate if you are interested in him and you think him a "tad rude" for doing so? That people have "other things going on in life" and therefore their non-response should not be taken as a "Well hell I have more other things going on in life that I don't need to respond to your sorry ass" and you somehow see that as polite? Really? You should be ashamed of yourself as you are stuck up and conceded!
The insecurity and virtuousness which women lash out speaks more to their loneliness and frustration than anything else. Go ahead girls, try to sue me.
From Eveline8Nice attitude early in the morning, good luck with that :) you should change the"respond if she interested" to you better respond because my fragile ego can't handle anything less. Have a good week! :)
To which I responded:
Nah I got it. "you better respond if you don't want to be considered a condescending bitch". Yeah I like that, bitch!
I would ask you exactly why you consider me politely asking whether or not (yeah that or not part) you are interested in me as if I have no fucking ego. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I asked you a question, politely and this is how you respond?!? Shame on you! Shame on you bitch!
Later!
Really! More to come...
I usually wait for a couple of weeks and to all the women who don't respond (remember averaging about 99%) in the last couple of weeks I send them a message of "Well I guess you're just another rude woman who ignores a man's polite request." which is 100% true, then I unlike them and "hide" them. Again, I'm trying to make it so that I don't stumble upon them again. That's also so that I don't bother them again.
Sometimes people respond, albeit passive aggressively by visiting but still saying nothing. I then send them:
I hope you enjoyed your stay at my profile but it's closing time. Please make your way to the back gates which is just through the gift shop!
Come again, come often and be sure to tell all your friends about me...
And no lingering in the lingerie department! We haven installed special close circuit cameras to monitor that situation!
:-)
Which is intended to be a "poke" but also to be funny and slightly playful in a male/female perspective. I'm flirting here - this is supposed to be dating right? This is a dating site isn't it? Still some women get the creepies from this. I've been known to respond "No I don't send this message to the all the girls - I usually send it to women, who know the difference between creepy and flirtatious!".
Finally if in 3 attempts I get nothing I simply write them off on the "three strikes and you're out" rule. Really, if there's no interest after 3 messages and many weeks, the cause is lost and there's no sense of continuing right?
