Well I am writing you this on 13 July 2001, our anniversary. And what a year it has been! We have been through so much this year, our meeting and time in Kiev in July, September and for the holidays. We have had a few arguments and have managed to overcome them. We have even managed to get through your infidelity to me, something that normally causes a relationship to fail. I will not lie to you, it was a very difficult time for me. Quite a few times I thought that I should just give up on you and
our relationship during that time. But something kept bringing me back to you. I just could not believe that you were a cold and uncaring woman and that you did not have feelings for me.

Then in Warsaw we became even closer. And even though we had to struggle with all of the problems from Warsaw we still managed to make the best of our time together. In Warsaw we got a taste of what it might be like to be together in a land that is a little more free than the Ukraine. I was surprised that we did not argue more given all the pressure we were under. I was devastated as I realized that I would not be bringing you home with me and that I had to send you back to your mother's. At times I was completely weak and you were my strength. Sometimes you were weak and I tried to comfort you. This was good because it shows that we work well together and that we both care about each other.

Now we wait for what seems like forever for the INS to process our paperwork. We must remain strong and determined and I must continue to push them to answer us and to fight them to get you here. You must remain strong at your mothers and not lose hope. I hate the fact that my government is taking so long to process this and that illegal aliens here in the US are being processed before us. I hate the days and nights that I am without you. I think about you all the time. Sometimes this hurts me because I miss you and want you to be here, to experience and share with me our lives together.

I have been waiting for so long, even before I had met you, to be with a woman would would love me and give my life a sense of purpose. And then we met and I knew that you were that woman for me. Then I had all of my hopes, dreams and efforts blow up in my face in February. Slowly I pulled myself out of this and we patched up our relationship.

From then until April we strengthened our relationship and got very excited about the interview and you getting over here. We started planning what we would do together and how exciting it would be. I dreamed of us returning to our house and being together for the first time and having the champaign I bought. I fantasized about waking up in the morning with you by my side. Then we would pack up some stuff and head out to have breakfast and over the mountains to the beach. I had planned on having a picnic on the beach and perhaps heading down to Santa Cruz or Capitola to do some shopping for you. I envisioned returning back home and your head would be spinning from all of the fun and excitement of our day together. I wanted to make you the happiest person in the world and make that day the happiest day of your life because it would have been the happiest day in my life and one that I would always treasure and remember.

Also during February until just recently my life had taken a turn for the worse in another way. As you know I lost my job in February and did not find one until June. You do not understand that the US economy has been booming for most of the 90's and my profession was in real high demand. Life was good for a long time. And at the beginning of this year all of that changed. The US economy has taken a turn for the worse and things do not look good. You do not understand how much this effects me, when I cannot work and provide for the people that I care about. To me that's a big part of me. And I had everything going so good in January! I had just gotten my first house, a nice house, close to my daughter's school and all ready for a woman to enter my life and make my house, home and life complete. I was making real good money. And after years searching for a companion, I had found the perfect one in you! Everything was coming together. Our petition was just approved and soon you would be here. Even though a year or two before, after years of searching for somebody to share my life with, saving to improve my home life and provide a home for my daughter, getting divorced, having my band fall apart and seeing my music fall apart, I seemed to have put that all back together again and was accomplishing all of the goals that were important to me. Who would have thought that in a few weeks everything I had put together would fall into ruin?

On that fateful day, 5 Feb, I received the call from Neil that shattered my very existence. Of course I was in shock and I could not believe it. I had to hear it from you and to my utter terror I found out it was true! Not only did I not have a job and faced an incredibly difficult job market, I just had my heart ripped from my chest. This two major catastrophes haunted me for months and they were too much for me to bear alone. Luckily at times like this one often finds that he does have a few people in his life that care about them. Mary-Anne was great in helping me as was her mother. I also had help from some people at HP, Kevin, Mary and a few others. People would shake their heads in disbelief as they learned of all the terrible misfortunes that crashed down at me at once. But slowly we managed to patch up our relationship and that gave me hope that maybe I could keep you.

Then I managed to get our interview rescheduled and once again we both had hope. But things crashed down on me again in Warsaw and I returned to the US without you - I left my heart with you again and once again my two major problems still weighed heavily on my heart and mind. The job market was no better and now the threat of losing my house grew bigger and bigger. Once again everything I've been building on was crumbling down again!

Then things got even more desperate until I finally got the contract in West Virginia, a place that I'm sure I did not want to bring you to but what else could I do? I felt totally out of control of my life. Nothing I would do would ever work the way I wanted it to. All the other forces and people in the world were controlling me like a puppet and I was powerless and helpless. But I decided again to continue to fight in any way that I could to make the dreams that I've had all along become true. Then the last minute job at United and the hassle to move back into my house and stay here.

And things are still not looking 100% good. This contract could end soon and I'll be back where I was before. And who knows how long the INS will take. But I will continue to fight for myself and to fight for you to be here with me. We belong together and we need to convince everybody else that we do indeed belong together. We both know and envision what our lives together will be like and we both want that life together. We will get there someday.

I love you very much and miss you dearly,