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9 <meta name="author" content="Andrew DeFaria">
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12 <big>Dear Olga,<br>
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14 How do I write you a letter to lift up your spirits given the terrible situation
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15 we are faced with? I have never been one who ignores the hazards of reality
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16 and we are in a very bad situation. I don't mean to complain all the time
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17 - I would much rather that there wasn't that much to complain about but that
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18 would not be truthful. We face extreme challenges in our relationship - big
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19 changes need to happen. If not then our relationship is doomed to fail -
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20 not because I want it to or you want it to - but because a relationship like
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21 we had would never survive no matter who was in it. Simply put relationships
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22 like that are not meant to survive. Can we change our relationship so that
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23 it can work? It takes more than mere desire - it takes work - more work for
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24 us than normal couples.<br>
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26 I find it hard to maintain hope, to sit and wait while others control my
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27 destiny - your destiny and our future. We've been here before - last year
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28 - and the wait was just about unbearable to me. For many years I have been
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29 dreaming of a loving wife and more kids. I cannot continue to put my dreams,
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30 my life on hold forever!<br>
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32 Looking at what I have I see a very immature lady with lots of problems who
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33 has deceived me a number of times in the past, cheated on my with another
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34 man, concealed important facts from me on a number of occasions, who cannot
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35 communicate with me on matters of importance, who has demonstrated that she
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36 is often selfish and self centered, who is argumentative and often not cooperative,
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37 who has an eating disorder, alcohol problems and mental problems, who is
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38 often violent, who steals and has gotten herself into a terrible mess.<br>
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40 I think you'll agree that if I had behaved in the same way towards you then
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41 you would have stopped the relationship long ago. Honestly, truthfully, read
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42 that last paragraph again and ask yourself if you'd still stick around with
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43 a man like that! I think not!<br>
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45 And yet, despite what you might think I am an optimist. I have seen and experienced
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46 many good times with you too. I love the way you smile, when we laugh and
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47 kid each other, our time in Tahoe and Capitola. I love the way we make love.
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48 And when we do work together and cooperate things are great. Why can't we
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49 realize that we are on the same team, that we are working for similar goals,
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50 and where we differ in opinions, why can't we work out a compromise?<br>
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52 I think I realize that some of your problems (drinking, not communicating,
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53 etc) made it difficult to relate, communicate and work together. Can that
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54 change? Honestly and truly, can that change? That's hard to say. It seems
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55 to me that you have been living for years this way - changing will be difficult
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58 It seems to me that for somebody to make such major changes in their life
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59 requires help - lots of it - and they would need to lean on somebody else
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60 - to prop them up and support them and to be there for them always. Who better
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61 to do this than me? Who else would put up with such shit and still be here?
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62 Still be willing to try? How much shit do I need to go through to prove that
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63 I care for you deeply? How much devotion do you need before you can place
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64 your trust, your desires, your secrets, your fears in another human being?
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65 Have I not bled enough for you? Because I may be a fool in love with you,
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66 or maybe it's my insecurity of being alone again, but there is only so much
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67 I can take before even I, a devoted, truthful, honest and open man, starts
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68 thinking that perhaps this relationship will not work out.<br>
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70 You see I have this vision of a happy couple, a happy, cooperative family
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71 with lots of kids living happily together. And in this vision I see you and
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72 me as the center of this family growing old together with lots of grand kids
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73 and fun family get togethers. Do you want to join me in this vision, to make
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74 this vision a reality? There is so much happiness to be had - and time is
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77 And yet we are back into "waiting mode" as others determine our fate. Sorry
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78 dear but I have only so many resources with which to fight. If the INS determines
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79 you are deportable I don't think I have the resources to continue the fight.<br>
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81 I am trying to maintain hope and I know that hope is what you need. But we
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82 also need to prepare for the worse - to neglect it would be foolish. If it
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83 comes to deportation I will do what I can to help you. I want you to do the
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84 best that you can if that happens. I do want the best for you.<br>
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86 I'm not sure this is exactly the letter that you were hoping for. But I think
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87 it is a letter written as honestly as I can write one. I want you to know
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88 that I am truly hoping for the best, that I love you dearly and want all
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89 to work out for the best - for my dream of family to be your dream of family,
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90 for us grow old together with much love and family - I will do what I can
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91 but I can't do the impossible and I hope for the best. I do love you very
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92 much and want you back in my life so I can hold you tightly and tell you
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93 that everything will be alright. I want to work with you on your problems
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94 and my problems and our problems to solve them and to make everybody happy.<br>
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96 Well I'm rambling. I know this letter is pretty serious. I hope it gives
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97 you hope. I hope it conveys to you my feelings, hopes and desires. I still
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98 see in you a wonderful woman trying desperately to get out of a small, immature
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99 and very hurt little girl. I want to be the man who convinces that little
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100 girl to put her total trust in that man thus letting that wonderful woman
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101 out to fully blossom into the woman that she should be, enriching the lives
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102 of her whole family, neighborhood and community. Question is will the INS
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103 allow this? And does this little girl/woman share my dreams?<br>
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106 Love you always<br>
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