1 <!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01//EN"
\r
2 "http://www.w3.org/TR/html4/strict.dtd">
\r
5 <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
\r
6 <meta name="GENERATOR" CONTENT="Mozilla/4.04 [en] (WinNT; U) [Netscape]">
\r
7 <title>Jokes: Worklog</title>
\r
8 <link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" media="screen" href="/css/Default.css">
\r
9 <link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" media="print" href="/css/Print.css">
\r
10 <link rel="SHORTCUT ICON" href="http://defaria.com/favicon.ico" type="image/png">
\r
11 <?php include "site-functions.php"?>
\r
12 <?php include "oneliner.php"?>
\r
16 <div class="heading">
\r
17 <h1 class="centered">Worklog</h1>
\r
19 <?php oneliner ("no")?>
\r
24 <?php navigation_bar ("yes")?>
\r
30 <p>User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use
\r
31 password retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they
\r
32 thank me and hang up. And we let these people vote and drive, too?</p>
\r
36 <p>Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports
\r
37 database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, "Well, it works
\r
38 for me." Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffee maker
\r
39 from the UPS and plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it
\r
40 again. One more happy customer...</p>
\r
44 <p>User from 8:05 called and said they received error message "Error
\r
45 accessing Drive 0." Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them
\r
46 to micro support.</p>
\r
50 <p>Relatively quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug support phone
\r
51 back in so I can call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town
\r
52 this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet
\r
53 down in basement. What is she thinking? The Myst and Doom nationals are
\r
58 <p>Another user calls (do they ever learn?). Says they want ACL
\r
59 changed on HR performance review database so that nobody but HR can
\r
60 access database. Tell them no problem. Hang up. Change ACL. Add
\r
61 @MailSend so performance reviews are sent to */US.</p>
\r
69 <p>Return from lunch.</p>
\r
73 <p>Wake up from nap. Bad dream. Makes me cranky. Bounce servers for
\r
74 no reason. Return to napping.</p>
\r
78 <p>Yet another user calls. Wants to know how to change fonts on
\r
79 a form. Ask them what chip set they're using. Tell them to call back
\r
80 when they find out.</p>
\r
84 <p>Decide to run "Create Save/Replication Conflicts" macro so next
\r
85 shift has something to do.
\r
91 <p>Finish reading support log from last night. Sounded
\r
92 busy. Terrible time with Save/Replication conflicts.</p>
\r
96 <p>Support manager arrives. Wants to discuss my attitude. Click on
\r
97 Phone Notes SmartIcon. "Love to, but kinda busy. Put something in
\r
98 the calendar database!" I yell as I grab for the support lines,
\r
99 which have (mysteriously) lit up. Walks away grumbling.</p>
\r
103 <p>Team leader from R&D needs ID for new employee. Tell them
\r
104 they need form J-19R=9C9\\DARR\K1. Say they never heard of such a
\r
105 form. Tell them it's in the SPECIAL FORMS database. Say they never
\r
106 heard of such a database. Transfer them to janitorial closet in
\r
111 <p>Perky sounding intern from R&D calls and says she needs new
\r
112 ID. Tell her I need employee number, department name, manager name,
\r
113 and marital status. Run @DbLookup against state parole board
\r
114 database, Centers for Disease Control database, and my Oprah Winfrey
\r
115 database. No hits. Tell her ID will be ready tonight. Drawing from
\r
116 the lessons learned in last week's "Reengineering for Customer
\r
117 Partnership," I offer to personally deliver ID to her apartment.</p>
\r
121 <p>Janitor stops by to say he keeps getting strange calls in
\r
122 basement. Offer to train him on Notes. Begin now. Let him watch
\r
123 console while I grab a smoke.</p>
\r
127 <p>Return from smoking break. Janitor says phones kept ringing, so
\r
128 he transferred them to cafeteria lady. I like this guy.</p>
\r
132 <p>Big commotion! Support manager falls in hole left where I pulled
\r
133 floor tiles outside his office door. Stress to him importance of not
\r
134 running in computer room, even if I do yell "FIRE! FIRE!"</p>
\r
138 <p>Development Standards Committee calls and complains about umlauts
\r
139 in form names. Apologizing for the inconvenience, I tell them I will
\r
140 fix it. Hang up and run global search/replace using gaks.
\r
144 <p>Mary Hairnet from cafeteria calls. Says she keeps getting calls
\r
145 for "Notice Loads" or "NoLoad Goats," she's not sure, couldn't hear
\r
146 over industrial grade blender. Tell her it was probably "Lettuce
\r
147 Nodes." Maybe the food distributor with a new product? She thinks
\r
148 about it and hangs up.</p>
\r
152 <p>Legal secretary calls and says she lost password. Ask her to
\r
153 check in her purse, floor of car, and on bathroom counter. Tell her
\r
154 it probably fell out of back of machine. Suggest she put duct tape
\r
155 over all the air vents she can find on the PC. Grudgingly offer to
\r
156 create new ID for her while she does that.</p>
\r
160 <p>Janitor comes back. Wants more lessons. I take off rest of day.
\r
166 <p>Irate user calls to say chipset has nothing to do with fonts on
\r
167 form. Tell them "Of course, they should have been checking 'Bitset,'
\r
168 not 'chipset.'" Sheepish user apologizes and hangs up.</p>
\r
172 <p>Support manager, with foot in cast, returns to office. Schedules
\r
173 10:00 AM meeting with me. User calls and wants to talk to support
\r
174 manager about terrible help at support desk. Tell them my manager and
\r
175 I about are about to go into meeting. Sometimes life hands you
\r
180 <p>Call Louie in janitorial services to cover for me. Go to support
\r
181 manager's office. He says he can't dismiss me but can suggest
\r
182 several lateral career moves. Most involve farm implements in third
\r
183 world countries with moderate to heavy political turmoil. By and by,
\r
184 I ask if he's aware of new bug which takes full text indexed random
\r
185 e-mail databases and puts all references to furry handcuffs and
\r
186 Bambi Boomer in Marketing on the corporate Web page. Meeting is
\r
187 adjourned as he reaches for keyboard, Web browser, and Tums.</p>
\r
191 <p>Tell Louie he's doing great job. Offer to show him mainframe
\r
192 corporate PBX system sometime.</p>
\r
200 <p>Return from lunch.</p>
\r
204 <p>Shift change; Going home.</p>
\r
210 <p>New guy, Marvin, started today. "Nice plaids" I offer. Show him
\r
211 server room, wiring closet, and technical library. Set him up with
\r
212 IBM PC-XT. Tell him to quit whining, Notes runs the same in both
\r
213 monochrome and color.</p>
\r
217 <p>New guy's PC finishes booting up. Tell him I'll create new ID for
\r
218 him. Set minimum password length to 64. Go grab smoke.</p>
\r
222 <p>Introduce Louie the custodian to Marvin. "Nice plaids" Louie
\r
223 comments. Is this guy great or what?!</p>
\r
227 <p>Beat Louie in dominos game. Louie leaves. Fish spare dominos out
\r
228 of sleeves ("Always have backups"). User calls, says Accounting
\r
229 server is down. Untie Ethernet cable from radio antenna (better
\r
230 reception) and plug back into hub. Tell user to try again. Another
\r
231 happy customer!</p>
\r
235 <p>Brief Marvin on Corporate Policy 98.022.01: "Whereas all new
\r
236 employee beginning on days ending in 'Y' shall enjoy all proper
\r
237 aspects with said corporation, said employee is obligated to provide
\r
238 sustenance and relief to senior technical analyst on shift." Marvin
\r
239 doubts. I point to Corporate Policy database (a fine piece of work,
\r
240 if I say so myself!). "Remember, that's DOUBLE pepperoni and NO
\r
241 peppers!" I yell to Marvin as he steps over open floor tile to get
\r
246 <p>Oooooh! Pizza makes me so sleepy...</p>
\r
250 <p>Wake from refreshing nap. Catch Marvin scanning want ads.</p>
\r
254 <p>Shift change. Flick HR's server off and on several times (just
\r
255 testing the On/Off button...). See ya tomorrow.</p>
\r
261 <p>Night shift still trying to replace power supply in HR
\r
262 server. Told them it worked fine before I left.</p>
\r
266 <p>Marvin still not here. Decide I might start answering these calls
\r
267 myself. Unforward phones from Mailroom.</p>
\r
271 <p>Yep. A user call. Users in Des Moines can't replicate. Me and the
\r
272 Ouija board determine it's sunspots. Tell them to call
\r
273 Telecommunications.</p>
\r
277 <p>Good grief, another user! They're like ants. Says he's in San
\r
278 Diego and can't replicate with Des Moines. Tell him it's sunspots,
\r
279 but with a two hour difference. Suggest he reset the time on the
\r
280 server back two hours.</p>
\r
284 <p>Pensacola calls. Says they can't route mail to San Diego. Tell
\r
285 them to set server ahead three hours.</p>
\r
289 <p>E-mail from corporate says for everybody to quit resetting the
\r
290 time on their servers. I change the date stamp and forward it to
\r
295 <p>Finish @CoffeeMake macro. Put phone back on hook.</p>
\r
299 <p>Milwaukee calls, asks what day it is.</p>
\r
303 <p>Support manager stops by to say Marvin called in to quit. "So
\r
304 hard to get good help..." I respond. Support manager says he has
\r
305 appointment with orthopedic doctor this afternoon, and asks if I
\r
306 mind sitting in on the weekly department head meeting for him. "No
\r
311 <p>Call Louie and tell him opportunity knocks and he's invited to a
\r
312 meeting this afternoon. "Yeah, sure. You can bring your snuff" I
\r
321 <p>Start full backups on Unix server. Route them to device /dev/null
\r
322 to make them fast.</p>
\r
326 <p>Full weekly backups done. Man, I love modern technology!</p>
\r
330 <p>Look in support manager's contact management database. Cancel
\r
331 2:45 PM appointment for him. He really should be at home resting,
\r
336 <p>New user calls. Says want to learn how to create a connection
\r
337 document. Tell them to run connection document utility
\r
338 CTRL-ALT-DEL. Says PC rebooted. Tell them to call micro support.</p>
\r
342 <p>Support manager calls to say mixup at doctor's office means
\r
343 appointment canceled. Says he's just going to go on home. Ask him if
\r
344 he's seen corporate Web page lately.</p>
\r
348 <p>Another (novice) user calls. Says periodic macro not
\r
349 working. Suggest they place @DeleteDocument at end of
\r
350 formula. Promise to send them document addendum which says so.</p>
\r
354 <p>Finish changing foreground color in all documents to white. Also
\r
355 set point size to "2" in help databases.</p>
\r
359 <p>User calls to say they can't see anything in documents. Tell them
\r
360 to go to view, do a <b>Edit: Select All</b>, hit delete key, and
\r
361 then refresh. Promise to send them document addendum which says
\r
366 <p>Another user calls. Says they can't read help documents. Tell
\r
367 them I'll fix it. Hang up. Change font to Wing dings.</p>
\r
371 <p>Plug coffee maker into Ethernet hub to see what happens. Not
\r
376 <p>Night shift shows up. Tell them the hub is acting funny and to
\r
377 have a good weekend.</p>
\r
379 <?php copyright ();?>
\r
projects / clearscm.git / blob