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16 <div class="heading">
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17 <h1 class="centered">The Evolution of Social Software</h1>
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19 <?php oneliner ("no")?>
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24 <?php navigation_bar ("yes")?>
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26 <h2>Wife 1.0 Just Released</h2>
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28 <hr style="noshade">
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29 <p>Dear Tech Support,</p>
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31 <p>A long time ago I upgraded from <span class="standout">Girlfriend
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32 7.0</span> to <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> and noticed that
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33 the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot
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34 of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was
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35 included in the product brochure.</p>
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37 <p>In addition, <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> installs itself
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38 into all other programs and launches during system initialization,
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39 where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as
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40 <span class="standout">Poker Night 10.3</span>, <span
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41 class="standout">Drunken Boys Night 2.5</span> and <span
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42 class="standout">Saturday Football 5.0</span> no longer run, crashing
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43 the system whenever selected.</p>
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45 <p>I cannot seem to keep <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> in the
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46 background while attempting to run some of my other favorite
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47 applications. I am thinking about going back to <span
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48 class="standout">Girlfriend 7.0</span>, but the uninstall does not
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49 work on this program.</p>
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58 <hr style="noshade">
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60 <p>Dear TROUBLED USER,</p>
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62 <p>This is a very common problem, but is mostly due to a primary
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63 misconception. Many people upgrade from <span
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64 class="standout">Girlfriend 7.0</span> to <span class="standout">Wife
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65 1.0</span> with the idea that <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span>
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66 is merely a <b>Utilities & Entertainment</b> program. <span
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67 class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> is an <b>Operating System</b> and
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68 designed by its creator to run everything.</p>
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70 <p>It is unlikely you would be able to purge <span
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71 class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> and still convert back to <span
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72 class="standout">Girlfriend 7.0</span>. Hidden operating files within
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73 your system would cause <span class="standout">Girlfriend 7.0</span>
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74 to emulate <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> so nothing is
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75 gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
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76 files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to <span
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77 class="standout">Girlfriend 7.0</span> because <span
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78 class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> is not designed to do
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81 <p>Some have tried to install <span class="standout">Girlfriend
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82 8.0</span> or <span class="standout">Wife 2.0</span> but end up with
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83 more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under
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84 "Warnings- Alimony/Child support". We recommend you keep <span
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85 class="standout">Wife 1.0</span>.
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87 <p>We suggest installing background application program <tt>C:\YES
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88 DEAR</tt> to alleviate software augmentation. We also suggest you read
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89 the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You
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90 must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might
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91 occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to
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92 enter the command <tt>C:\APOLOGIZE</tt>. In any case avoid excessive
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93 use of <tt>C:\YES DEAR</tt> because ultimately you may have to give
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94 the <tt>APOLOGIZE </tt>command before the operating system will return
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95 to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame
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96 for all the GPFs.</p>
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98 <p><span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> is a program, but very
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99 high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the
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100 performance of <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span>. We recommend
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101 <span class="standout">Flowers 3.1</span> and <span
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102 class="standout">Diamonds 2K</span>. Do not, under any circumstances
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103 install <span class="standout">Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3</span>.
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104 This is not a supported application for <span class="standout">Wife
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105 1.0</span> and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating
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108 <p>Tech Support</p>
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110 <hr style="noshade">
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112 <p>Last year a friend of mine upgraded <span
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113 class="standout">GirlFriend 1.0</span> to <span class="standout">Wife
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114 1.0</span> and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system
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115 resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that <span
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116 class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> also is spawning child processes
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117 which are further consuming valuable resources.</p>
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119 <p>No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product
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120 brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him
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121 that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not
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122 only that, <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> installs itself such
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123 that it is always launched at system initialisation where it can
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124 monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications
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125 such as <span class="standout">PokerNight 10.3</span>, <span
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126 class="standout">BeerBash 2.5</span>, and <span
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127 class="standout">PubNight 7.0</span> are no longer able to run in the
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128 system at all, crashing the system when selected even though they
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129 always worked fine before.</p>
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131 <p>At installation, <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> provides no
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132 option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as <span
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133 class="standout">MotherInLaw 55.8</span> and <span
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134 class="standout">BrotherInLaw Beta Release</span>. Also, system
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135 performance seems to diminish with each passing day. Some features
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136 he'd like to see in the upcoming <span class="standout">Wife
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141 <li>A "Don't remind me again" button</li>
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143 <li>Minimize button</li>
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145 <li>An install shield feature that allows <span class="standout">Wife
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146 2.0</span> be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime
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147 without the loss of cache and other system resources.</li>
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149 <li>An option to run the network driver in promiscuous
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150 mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much
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155 <p>I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with
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156 <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> by sticking with <span
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157 class="standout">GirlFriend 2.0</span>. Even here, however, I found
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158 many problems. Apparently you cannot install <span
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159 class="standout">GirlFriend 2.0</span> on top of <span
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160 class="standout">GirlFriend 1.0</span>. You must uninstall <span
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161 class="standout">GirlFriend 1.0</span> first. Other users say this is
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162 a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the
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163 versions of <span class="standout">GirlFriend</span> have conflicts
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164 over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such
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165 a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for
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166 <span class="standout">GirlFriend 1.0</span> doesn't work very well
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167 leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another
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168 thing that sucks - all versions of <span
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169 class="standout">GirlFriend</span> continually pop-up little annoying
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170 messages about the advantages of upgrading to <span
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171 class="standout">Wife 1.0</span>.</p>
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173 <h2>BUG WARNING</h2>
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175 <p><span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> has an undocumented bug. If
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176 you try to install <span class="standout">Mistress 1.1</span> before
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177 uninstalling <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span>, <span
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178 class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> will delete MSMoney files before
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179 doing the uninstall itself. Then <span
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180 class="standout">Mistress 1.1</span> will refuse to install,
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181 claiming insufficient resources.</p
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183 <h2>WORK-AROUNDS</h2>
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185 <p>To avoid the above bug, try installing <span
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186 class="standout">Mistress 1.1</span> on a different system and never
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187 run any file transfer applications such as <span
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188 class="standout">Laplink 6.0</span>. Also, beware of similar shareware
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189 applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect
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190 <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span>. Another solution would be to
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191 run <span class="standout">Mistress 1.1</span> via a Usenet provider
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192 under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can
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193 accidently be downloaded from the Usenet.</p>
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195 <hr style="noshade">
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197 <p>Seems like the only solution to <span class="standout">Wife
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198 1.0</span> is to install <span class="standout">Divorce
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199 1.0</span>. This is a radical package however it will erradicate Wife
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200 1.0... at least partcially. And you usually get most of your resources
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201 back (or at least.</p>
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203 <p><span class="standout">Divorce 1.0</span>'s installation process
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204 will remove <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span>, preparing you to
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205 install any of <span class="standout">GirlFriend 2.0</span>, <span
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206 class="standout">Mistress 1.2</span> (new version!) or <span
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207 class="standout">Wife 2.0</span> (if you want). Unfortunately if <span
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208 class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> (or any of the other products
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209 mentioned) have spawned child processes then things get more
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210 complex. Usually the child processes take up less processing power and
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211 they surface from time to time, but you're often glad to see
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212 them. Unfortunately the child processes tend to remind you of the
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213 package from whence they came and sometimes you have to interact with
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214 <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> or <span
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215 class="standout">GirlFriend 1.0</span>, but usually these things can
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216 be dismissed fairly easily.</p>
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218 <p>As <span class="standout">Divorce 1.0</span> needs to uninstall
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219 <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> it carries all the caveats that
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220 uninstalling <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span> has. Usually you
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221 are left with about 1/2 of the resources you started with before
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222 installing <span class="standout">Wife 1.0</span>.</p>
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224 <p>If you have already upgraded to <span
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225 class="standout">Wife 2.0</span> then you'll need to get <span
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226 class="standout">Divorce 2.0</span>.</p>
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